Book Recommendation:

“Growing Up Again: Parenting Ourselves, Parenting Our Children.“

by Jean Illsley Clarke and Connie Dawson

 
 

Meta

• Who would benefit from reading this book?

  Current or would-be parents.

 

• What could you get out of this book?

  A systematic way of looking at parent child interactions, challenges for you to grow personally, and promptings for you to process through your upbringing. 

 

• How long to read?

  If you were to read it straight through, it would probably only take you one week or two. I took a couple of years. I read a chapter or two and then move on to other books and hobbies for a while, then revisit. Not because the book was dull, because with not having kids yet I was reading it more for the personal introspection.

   

• Pages & Highlights:

  310 p. and 23 highlights

 

• Structure: 

  The authors parsed the book into eight sections. Sections 1 — 3 explain their system of viewing parenting, 4 — 5 overindulgence and denial, 6 prenatal and birth experience, 7 growing up again and again, 8 adoption.

 

• Thesis:

  To parent our children well we need to fill in the gaps left by our upbringing.

 

How Do I Parent Well? 

 

I do not have children. I want to have children, but I expect them to still be a number of years removed. Thinking about being a parent even with that buffer of time is one of the most sobering contemplations.

Healthy parenting flows out of individuals with healthy inner lives. Growing Up Again provides guidance on how to provide children with proper ratio of STIMULATION, RECOGNITION, and CERTAINTY to help support the child’s development. You can’t provide what you don’t have and Growing Up Again walks you through processing your own childhood to identify those gaps and encourage your on-going maturation.

My favorite parts of the book were those personal maturity challenges, and diagrams the authors made to show the extremes and middle balance points for providing STRUCTURE and NURTURE to your child.

 

 

Parenting Paradigm Diagrams 

The authors present a structure for viewing parenting as providing a balance of nurture and structure to children.

 Here are the descriptions of the highway in more detail.

 

On the Structure side:

The middle balance of non negotiable / negotiable rules also applies to finding harmony in marriage where you decide with your spouse what matters.

 

 

On the Nurture side:

 

The nurture lense has helped me to consider in my marriage and in my friendships, “what is needed at this moment? supportive or assertive care?” In marriage I’ve found the need to restrain myself to just give support and not interject myself. With my friends I’ve realized that I thought I was being supportive, “I’m available if they need me,” but I’m closer to neglect on the spectrum.

 

Challenge

 

Here is a challenge that hit me at the start of the book, one of many spread throughout the text.

“True self-esteem comes from within and is not competitive. If it depends on being greater than others it is ‘competitive-esteem’ or ‘other-esteem,’ not self-esteem.” – Growing Up Again, p. 12

Right between the eyes! I remind myself of this when I’m reviewing goal statements. Is my goal to be the best? Why is being the best important to me? Am I placing how I feel about myself in someone else’s hands?

 

-SRS
 
 
Disclaimer:
The Amazon links used in this post are affiliate links.
If you click through the Amazon links and buy the book, it does NOT cost you anything extra but Amazon does send me a tiny % as a thank you. If you found this helpful, and do decide to get the book, please purchase it through one of the links here.

Thanks ^_^